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lyrics

why is so much sex so bad?
so much of the sex I've had,
despite my best intentions, has been a fucking bore
my pleasure deprioritized, my clitoris ignored

why do people even leave the house & go on dates
when they'd clearly rather just stay home & masturbate?
I am not a Fleshlight; I'm not a rubber doll
if you don't try to get me off, you don't get me at all

bad sex is an epidemic
'cause of some systemic bullshit
that I think is really pretty dumb
bad sex is so demoralizing
where's all the oral hiding?
someone make me come

I spend an hour putting on my face
picking an outfit, & then finding the place
& though I like to think that I am charming & fun
all these fuckers only want to fuck me til they're done

I've started packing a vibrator
into my purse so I can pull it out later
some people love it; they think it's so hot
but some guys see a bullet vibe & act like they've been shot

bad sex is a disappointment
& I don't enjoy it, but
if I can't have a cake, I'll take a crumb
bad sex, the bane of my existence
I wouldn't mind assistance
someone make me come

staring at the ceiling, searching for a feeling
making my to-do list in my head with each kiss
wond'ring where the time goes – where the hell are my clothes?
is there more to do, or can I call my Uber now?

bad sex shouldn't be surprising
I am compromising
& I think that I am starting to go numb
bad sex leaves my mind unblown
maybe I'll stay alone
then at least I'll come

credits

from A Song A Week 2023: Part One, released November 21, 2023

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Kate Sloan Toronto

Thirtysomething from Toronto. Sex journalist by day, ukulele songstress by night. Writes songs about love, sex, fictional characters, and occasionally jellyfish.

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