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A Song A Week 2023: Part Two

by Kate Sloan

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1.
yes, I want you; yes, I want you; can't you tell? I can't hide it, or at least not very well they say it's actions, not words, that tell the truth & I keep acting moronic when I am with you isn't this supposed to feel so good? it doesn't feel the way I always thought it would CHORUS: am I mad with lust, or am I just going mad? am I mad for wanting all the things I want so bad? I am all torn up at the thought of us but I never can tell you I am mad with lust down below my waist, there is a trap it demands attention, but I can't think about that 'cause if I start, I'm scared I'll never quit but being good can also feel like shit is there a chance you want me too? 'cause if there's not, I don't know what I'm gonna do (repeat chorus) they show it in the pornos, the version that I don't know well they show it in the movies, where it never looks like hell it shows up in the romance novels I read on the train don't know how it can be so light & sweet when it is driving me insane (repeat chorus)
2.
you've been my friend for quite a while but suddenly, I love your smile how'd I never notice it before? the hugs you give hello, goodbye feel different now – I don't know why how'd I never notice it before? I always knew you were kind you make me laugh, I love your mind but now, I think I'm feelin' something new I always knew you were cute but I thought the point was moot now, I can't stop wond'rin' if you're feelin' something too we're sitting close; you bump my thigh I bite my lip now, every time how'd I never notice it before? you look at me, & when your eyes are on me, I get butterflies how'd I never notice it before? thought we were destined to be friends that that's how this would end but now I'm thinkin' maybe I was wrong sometimes I catch you staring too like you don't know what to do should you try your luck, or move along? you don't have to respond to this but if you ever want a kiss that's exactly what my lips are for I never saw it coming how something came from nothing how'd I never notice it before? it's a different world now I wanna be your girl now how'd I never notice it before?
3.
I Want More 03:22
you looked cute at school today & I wished we could run away & lie down in a field to talk out all our feelings taking you anywhere would be appealing but if you wanna go, go, go there's something you should know, know, know: CHORUS: I want more, I want more, I want more, more, more of you I am sure I adore you, & need so much more of you & I'm missin' your kissin' & thinkin' sweet thoughts I think you should listen, incase you forgot: I want more, I want more, I want more, more, more of you give me so much more of you call me just like yesterday I'm here to listen to anything you wanna say & ticking past midnight, the clock is forgotten all that I know is I like you a lot & you're gonna have to hang up first I'll never do it; I'm the worst (repeat chorus) I'm sorry if it freaks you out the way I sit & stare you're so much of what I think about why act like I don't care? like I don't care? (repeat chorus)
4.
I could tell you my favorite color yeah, I think that would be fine & if you disclose which major you chose in college, well, I'll tell you mine I'm okay when we're skimming the surface I can tease you & touch you & flirt but if we go deeper, I'm nervous about all the ways I could get hurt, so... CHORUS: don't you dare know me too well don't you dare act like you care don't you dare say you want me, or think of me fondly or say I don't have to be scared don't you dare do you have to be so cute & funny when we're sharing a dinner for two? & yes, I am blushing, but no, I'm not crushing 'cause then, I don't know what I'd do I could tell you, "Hey, thanks, but it's over & maybe we're better off friends" but I know in my bones, if I left you alone I might never surrender again (repeat chorus) what if you give me the old bait-&-switch? what if you yell at me, call me a bitch? what if you've got evil tricks up your sleeve? worst of all, what if you leave? (repeat chorus)
5.
New Love 03:11
been a while since someone looked at me like in the storybooks oh yeah, oh yeah been a while since someone asked about my present & my past oh yeah, oh yeah don't wanna be lonely anymore wond'rin' what my time is for maybe I should walk right out the door, & find... CHORUS: a new love, a new love that would be so sweet, if I could only meet a new love, a new love it's weighin' on my mind; oh when oh when will I find a new love? I wanna get to know ya, so much I wanna show ya oh yeah, oh yeah I wanna take you home, so you can make me moan oh yeah, oh yeah don't even know if you exist if I should give up or persist all I know is I just wanna kiss, kiss, kiss... (repeat chorus) new things always scare you, before you know the deal & nothing can prepare you for how it's gonna feel but if you want adventure (& I know you do) there's nothing like the pleasure of loving somebody new (repeat chorus)
6.
where are you? when are you? I'm flying through time to find you the '50s, the '60s are you in the '70s? '80s? I'm missing your presence back here in the present I still want a future with you CHORUS: I've got time, time to spare buy some time til I'm right there I've got time, & time will tell if I wasted my time when I fell in love with you will you be in the city, drinkin' cocktails with Marilyn & Jimmy? maybe London's where you're runnin' to go see who that Shakespeare's becomin' I'm searching through space for a glimpse of your face I still want a future with you (repeat chorus) call a time out – remember that time when you let your mouth press against mine? when the time comes, I'll hold you again we'll go back where we're from, back to back then (repeat chorus) & though it's been forever to me, you still feel new
7.
if I were honest with myself I'd know you're never gonna want me by day, I act aloof; by night, I'm living proof that you're always gonna haunt me if I were honest with myself I wouldn't have to feel so frantic by day, I'd buckle down; by night, I'd hit the town I'd be recklessly romantic instead, I'm stuck at home & wishing you would phone & feeling all alone like I'm wasting my youth I almost called you twice thought I'd take my own advice 'cause wouldn't it be nice to tell the truth? if I were honest with myself I'd have to shed my old delusions for now, I'll keep my distance, 'cause I don't need your assistance to take another bruisin' by day, I've learned my lesson; by night, you're my obsession by day, I'm unaffected; by night, I feel rejected by day, no one can tell that by night, I am in hell 'cause I am honest with myself at least I'm honest with myself
8.
why do people fuck on planes? could somebody please explain? gotta say, I can't relate why would you join the Mile High Club? can two people have much fun in a bathroom built for one hurryin' to get it done? why would you join the Mile High Club? I have trouble coming at the best of times even when I'm not committing airplane crimes how can anybody even get aroused 30,000 feet above the ground? why do people fuck on flights under those fluorescent lights? is it just to add some spice? why would you join the Mile High Club? why are people always boning in the bathroom of a Boeing? does the motor mute the moaning? is that why you join the Mile High Club? but for me, anxiety can kill the mood & famously, when flying, people can be rude positioning is limited; it's quite a squeeze what, you sit on the toilet seat & me on my knees? good for you if it's your kink but I don't wanna spill my drink or fuck you on a metal sink I don't wanna join the Mile High Club I really mean you no offense good for you if you invent diversions from the turbulence I'm glad that you joined the Mile High Club it's rad that you joined the Mile High Club but I'll never join the Mile High Club I'll wait til we've landed, & then fuck
9.
Same Moon 04:14
every night I look up at the sky & miss you, miss you, miss you & every night, I stop & wonder why I can't kiss you, kiss you, kiss you the distance between us feels so wide so why not step outside, &... CHORUS: keep staring at the same moon til we're standing in the same room when you're looking, I will look too so we're looking at the same moon the same moon every night, I count the days until you'll be here, be here, be here & every night, I'm sadder that it's still just me here, me here, me here when time moves horribly slow go stand at your window, &... (repeat chorus) can we wait around for the next phase? is this the right time, but the very wrong place? let's... (repeat chorus)
10.
Easy 04:07
when we were young we could have fun playing the field shooting our shot before we forgot how to be real imagine just being unguarded when your heart hadn't yet become hardened it was just like Adam & Eve's little garden CHORUS: it was easy to be open, before you slammed the door easy to let love in, but that was before when you knew who you wanted, & wanted them deeply I wanna go back to when it was easy it was so easy now, when I dare to "get back out there" it scares me so much what if they don't like me, although they're loving my touch? I am much more than a body & I think that I almost forgot me why'd I even care who didn't want me? (repeat chorus) who's gonna take better care of me? who's gonna pay for my therapy? don't worry; I know who, actually it's gonna be me it's gotta be me (repeat chorus)
11.
Be Good 02:35
hey, old friend, I've got an issue: kinda think I wanna kiss you but we shouldn't... we should be good I know you're taken; so am I this lust is hardly justified & we shouldn't... we should be good I won't choose a fling over everything that, I will not do but I can't help it; I just like the way I am when I'm with you how can someone stay contented if they've never experimented? but we shouldn't... we should be good why must I be dull & moral? how far will we go before I'll say, "we shouldn't... we should be good" my love is safe, a great home base but I need something more I've got a feeling I could find it in your bed or on your floor here's a bit of a confession: there are times I start to question if we shouldn't... if we should be good someday soon, I don't know how we'll be together – but for now we shouldn't... we should be good we shouldn't... we should be good
12.
Cameras 03:31
the newspapers don't print what they know they print what will sell it never feels fair, the way they all stare they know me too well the magazines wish I'd give 'em a tip throw 'em a bone but I'll stay inside, lay low & just hide I'm safer alone CHORUS: I'm tired of running from the cameras tired of shoving back the cameras tired of trudging past the cameras I'm tired of suffering for the cameras tired of wondering who that man was I'm not living for the cameras why should I do a new interview? the last one destroyed me when they write me up, they make me sound dumb it really annoys me they question my taste, & call it a waste that I'm on my own like they played no part in carving the scars that keep me alone (repeat chorus) macro, micro, telephoto cellphone flashing, crashing, can I get a "hell no"? fighting, writing made-up stories don't you find it gets so boring? (repeat chorus) I'm not living for the cameras
13.
Might Be 02:09
spy on me, lie to me can't you see? that's what I am here for torture me, horribly best believe I can even take way more CHORUS: I'll be good & then you'll like me stay quiet, so politely am I sad? I think I might be on the run ain't much fun when you're the one who'll have to do the running should I wait? should I stay? is a savior really never coming? (repeat chorus) my friends are all insisting that I pack up & go but I know what they're missing; I know what they don't know still, wouldn't it be nice if I could take their advice? (repeat chorus)
14.
Kill For You 03:16
you never read my letters don't ask me how I know still think that you sound better through a wall than on the radio I wanna make you need me I wanna make it hurt I wanna make you see me this is the way I flirt CHORUS: I'd never get to be with you like I knew that I wanted to I'd never get the best of you so I knew what I had to do: baby, I would kill for you baby, I would kill for you I tuned in late to hear you I had a crazy night made sure I had a clear view of when your face went white you had to read the details the body split in two a blonde & blue-eyed female she looked a lot like you (repeat chorus) will you bail me out? will you back me up? will you tell me now if you've had enough? will your life never be the same 'cause of what I've done in your name? (repeat chorus)
15.
Get Married 03:16
go ahead & throw that white bouquet I'll just stand back here & watch; I don't wanna play I'll haunt the open bar, do my own thing other girls can chase that golden ring CHORUS: oh, I wanna get married – but not today I'll keep my freedom, do things my own way oh, I wanna get married – but not too soon dance to my rhythm, sing my own tune oh, when you said "let's take the next step" my eyes got wide; I could not decide if I felt ready yet there's still so much I wanna do stuff that might be tough to do with you (repeat chorus) yes, you said you'd love me til the ends of the earth am I really worth it? & do I deserve it? yes, you said you'd wait for me, you'd show me til I finally see that loving you can feel like being free (repeat chorus)
16.
Magic 02:43
you pulled a white rabbit right out of your hat & I thought, "well, dammit, how did you do that?" baby, you're magic baby, you're magic to me you don't wear jeans, 'cause you never dress down you're wearing a top hat & tux on the town baby, you're magic baby, you're magic to me look so deep into my eyes til I am hopelessly hypnotized I'll do anything you say even cluck like a chicken & lay an egg, oh I wanna know, if we went on a date would you use your wand on me, or make your escape? baby, you're magic baby, you're magic to me you make me gasp, you make me laugh you saw me slowly right in half baby, you're magic baby, you're magic to me tell me all your secrets, ruin every trick I wanna know the man inside & know what makes you tick baby, you're magic baby, you're magic to me baby, you're magic baby, you're magic to me
17.
Like a Queen 02:28
why were you late? late for our date? & why were you rude? oh, what a strange attitude I'm not impressed with what I've seen you oughta treat me like a queen why are you bored? I feel ignored when you're on your phone, I might as well be alone there's other places that I could have been why don't you treat me like a queen? I don't mean to complain, I don't mean to kvetch I don't mean to sound vain, but baby, I am a catch if you're not gonna savor my company baby, I don't think that you're the one for me I've got a list of people I've kissed & I could add you, if I wanted to but to be honest, I'm not too keen 'cause you don't treat me like a queen I know it sounds odd, like I'm so self-absorbed like I think I'm a god who you should tremble before but since you're disrespectin' me without remorse baby, I think maybe this has run its course I know what I'm worth, & what I deserve & I require the bar to be higher you know exactly what I mean why don't you treat me like a queen? you oughta treat me like a queen!
18.
last night I dreamt that somebody loved me it was a strange & silly little dream someone who would bring me flowers, kiss me well 'cause they know how, or make me laugh & laugh until I scream last night I dreamt that somebody loved me someone with a smile that calms me down they'd hold me on hard days, say "it'll be okay" & if not, at least I'll still have them around a love so fine would be the envy of everyone we met that love was mine, until the ending of a dream I can't forget last night I dreamt that somebody loved me & wished, while dreaming, that it would come true the wistful wishing hurt, but the wishing must have worked 'cause when I woke up, I was next to you when I woke up, I was next to you
19.
Annoying 02:49
thought I knew who I was but maybe that's all meaningless I'd sell my soul for the buzz of a cute new person I can kiss met you on a Sunday, went a little crazy now it's only Monday, I'm hating all my cravings feeling like an addict – wouldn't it be bad if I'm already sad without you? CHORUS: it's like I've been poisoned when I'm with boys & it's really annoying, annoying I'm losing my voice & I'm losing my joy & it's really annoying, annoying you showed up 3 hours late I bit my tongue, like it was fine what could I even say? you'd just tell me I endlessly whine I don't need defending, but if you don't agree, I'll just go on pretending that I'm not in free-fall feeling so pathetic; no one really gets it ever since I first met you (repeat chorus) how do I take the wheel? how do I be more real? how do I draw a line? how do I grow a spine? how do I keep myself safer from someone else? how do I let this go? how do I say no? (repeat chorus)
20.
I'm Not Mad 01:15
I'm not mad you're always up before me in the A.M. & I'm not mad you texted back in seconds again I'm not mad when it's date night & you show up half an hour early & I'm not mad every late night when you come prematurely all those other girls before just didn't know what it meant they all said they wanted more, but I know it's a compliment so I'm not mad you're quicker than the typical duration & I'm not mad you never can delay gratification I'm not mad my magic touch means you can never last in fact, I like it twice as much when nice guys finish fast when nice guys finish fast when nice guys finish fast
21.
another winter in the dark what are you gonna do all season? light a candle, feel a spark just ignore your fingers freezin' you've done it before you can do it more CHORUS: it's time to wait for spring time to pray for spring missing everything it brings it's time to wait for spring & if you're lonely & all alone there's not a lot to do about it 'cause when it's snowy, you'll just stay home if love's out there, you'll do without it you've done it before you can do it more (repeat chorus) & just when you can't take it anymore just when you are wondering what it's all been for the clouds'll part, as angels sing the sun'll shine on everything & you'll pick yourself up slowly from the floor for now, we wait for spring & we pray for spring we're missing everything it brings it's time to wait for – time to wait time to wait for spring
22.
Drunk Dial 02:29
Friday night, city lights I'll make a call, if that's alright who's it to? of course it's you! I've heard that you're with someone new words are slurring, vision's blurring phone is ringing, I can't breathe all that whiskey's gettin' risky you thought you'd gotten rid of me?! CHORUS: it's a drunk dial sorry for the drunk dial it really isn't my style it's been a while sorry for the drunk dial lost my keys, lost my way lost in words I cannot say liquid courage turns to fear I need you now, I need you here words are slurring, vision's blurring getting sweaty – where's my phone? I'll regret this when you get this message & I'm still alone (repeat chorus) I swear I'm usually much classier I hope one day we'll both be happier but tonight... (repeat chorus)
23.
TBD 02:09
(that's TBD!) (that's TBD!) I don't know if you'll love me right I don't know if you're gonna stay the night I don't know if your flags are red I don't know what you like in bed we're writing history but as for you & me that's TBD (that's TBD!) that's TBD (that's TBD!) you've never even seen me cry or asked me how I think I'm gonna die you've never even met my mom or seen me with no makeup on don't know our destiny but as for you & me that's TBD (that's TBD!) that's TBD (that's TBD!) this seems to be working fine I've got no complaints but don't wanna get ahead of myself I've made that mistake! we're writing history it's still a mystery but as for you & me that's TBD (that's TBD!) that's TBD (that's TBD!) that's TBD
24.
Glimmer 04:00
you're driving home for the holidays, you're glad you're alone, so they can't see your face you're dreading when you get there & they ask about your hair or why you wear those clothes you like to wear you'll shrug your shoulders & avoid their eyes & mumble something that you know's a lie I'm guessing you're regressing back to who you used to be 'cause that's the only you they see, but... CHORUS: don't let them dim your glimmer you've got so much light within ya don't let them take it all away it's been years since you figured out that you were queer, & they should hear about it the silence felt so violent as you waited & waited to find out whether they could ever tolerate it but they just shut down & didn't say a thing now they pretend it isn't happening it's painful, but you're grateful that you have them at all although they make you feel so small (repeat chorus) do what it takes to keep yourself safe even if that means lying but don't make mistakes that your elders have made living shouldn't feel like you are dying, so... (repeat chorus) 'cause it's okay to make the yuletide gay
25.
so it's December 31st – why should I care? I'm all alone, I'm staying home, not going out there why brave the snow & pay to go to a different place when my peace is found, not in a crowd, but in my own space & who would I be if I spent this eve at a bar or a party? that couldn't be me that couldn't be me don't get me wrong – I'll do my face & wear a dress I say just keep the bits you like, & fuck the rest I'll light a candle, pop a cork, & drink champagne good meals, no heels, no lines, no people to complain & who would I be if I spent this eve at a bar or a party? that couldn't be... who can I kiss if they don't exist? so alone, I'm happiest that couldn't be me 'cause I hate people more than I hate loneliness & between those different evils, I'll take the one that I know best 'cause it's the easiest & who would I be if I wasn't me? are there new things I would see? that couldn't be... who's underneath when I peel back my grief & change my old beliefs? that couldn't be me

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released January 9, 2024

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Kate Sloan Toronto

Thirtysomething from Toronto. Sex journalist by day, ukulele songstress by night. Writes songs about love, sex, fictional characters, and occasionally jellyfish.

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